Oh my. Really?! Two years since my last post? I just realized that I might need to start blogging again. Or, drop it all together. So here ya go: It's the end of another school year and my kids are fighting like cats/dogs. I sat all three down last night for a "come to Jesus" meeting and sent them to their rooms. And from what it sounds like, I'm not the only one in this situation. Practically everyone with school-aged kids seems to be suffering the same escalation in sibling rivalry. But all is not lost. I've discovered that May is that special time of year when the number of projects and school events multiply exponentially. So between that, and the fact that kids are staying outside longer enjoying the weather, the poor things are totally spent. Not unlike their mothers who feel that way every day of the year! Except Mother's Day. When it's actually worse! (Just kidding)
So how do you deal with end of year stress besides the usual advice of getting enough sleep, eating a healthy breakfast, blah blah blah. First, you acknowledge that it's typical and not unique to your household. That is comfort in itself for me! Then, you remind the kids that you realize the source of a lot of their stress and it's okay to feel that way. But then you have to explain that what ISN'T okay is treating their siblings disrespectfully. Because that is how the fighting starts.
For example, my oldest is the instigator. Well behaved and sneaking under the naughty radar he knows his brother and sister's triggers. So he is the pot-stirrer. The bear-poker. And then he sits back and laughs while he watches his sister cry and his brother scream. So what's the message to him? 1) Look kid, I'm on to your ways – so can it. 2) If your brother or sister asks you to stop tormenting them, then respect it. And stop. 3) If you don't stop, then you can start your punishment cycle by cleaning your brother's room, or folding your sister's clothes, or staying home instead of hanging with your friends. Or relinquishing your cell phone.
The middle child, aka the CEO, is the boss. The one who seeks out who is disobeying rules, reports them to the Commandant, and is quick to tell anyone/everyone under the same roof how to operate on every level. So, the message? (If you can get a word in with this one), 1) You are not the boss. When you are an adult with a family of your own, THEN you can be boss. Right now, I/dad am/is your boss. End of story. 2) Do not tattle. If you witness something that causes harm, come tell us. Otherwise, be on with ya. 3) If your siblings ask you to stop bossing them, respect it and stop. 3) If you don't stop, then you can start YOUR punishment cycle by writing down the steps by which you shall be punished. And considering this is your favorite way to control a situation, this should actually be a fun project!
Ahhh. The third child. The one who throws caution to the wind. Farts in the face of reason. And is quick to anger. Message: 1) Separate yourself in a safe/quiet place when your anger starts to flare. If someone asks you to calm down, respect it and go to that safe/quiet place. When you have calmed down enough to speak to others respectfully, you may do so. 2) If you can't control your anger, your punishment will be whatever feels necessary at the time. I say this because this child has no specific "weakness" that you can exploit. Meaning, that taking things away doesn't necessarily solve the situation, and spanking is just wasted effort. You have to find the one thing that really is a sacrifice to them in order to make the punishment effective. Good luck. When I find my son's, I'll let you know.
So, that's it. That's all I got. Oh, except, do thank your spouse for having your back. It's a team effort. And sometimes they're the only ones in your corner!
Question: Will my kids be fighting when I get home today? Lucky 8-ball says: Ask again later.
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